Exhibit A D odder woman aka my competition
Sorry, in all jealousy ah hadda leggo de creole. Tell me dat jagabat (Jezebel) isn’t ginning at me?
I guess I would not have minded so much if baby S had been a late talker. Then I could excuse his disinterest as just your average toddler’s limited vocabulary. Listen here, the child can ask for water, juice, an apple; and a whole manner of other foods. If he wishes to play outside he says, “go outsigh.” He can even sing, “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands"! But for whatever reason, for the longest while there was a stubborn resistance to calling his mummy. My one consolation was that he wasn’t saying daddy either.
Still my own son wasn’t going to favour some bitch over me was he? I declared war. Like all jealous and scorned women I went for the gut. Isn’t it said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?
Yep. I baked these lovely toasted-sesame seed cookies (gluten free of course) for his sensitive stomach. Did I manage to tempt him away from that brazen pothound? Sadly it seems like the bond between a man and his stomach is no match for that of a boy and his dog.
Exhibit B Her wide hips!
Yes, having failed to win his affection with cookies. I’m resorting now to low blows. Fatty bum. No she isn’t pregnant just FAT.